A Guideline That Changes Everything
build your team-emotions toolkit
Stewarding Emotions in Leadership, Volume IV
So far, we have covered:
-the definition of an emotion vs a feeling, and how the nuance is not as important as paying attention.
-how simply naming emotions with precision helps people move through them faster.
and
-how stress is best tended to by listening empathetically, not by fixing.
These are already items in your toolkit—emotional literacy and quality listening can carry you a long way with the people in your sphere.
An All-Important Team Guideline
My friend and former colleague, Jessie Belcher, had a rule for our team. We worked in a high-ropes environment where lives were literally on the line. How our team members felt every shift did matter because it could affect their attention, responsiveness, and thus everyone’s safety.
The rule is simple:
”not everyone has to know how you are feeling today, but
someone has to know.”
Do you think perfectly clearly when you are Frustrated? Depleted? Exhausted? Sleepy? even Festive? Our mood greatly affects our decision-making, and we need support to help us refocus or adjust our energy for the task at hand. So someone needs to know how you really are coming into the day.
Why is this so crucial in our work environment?
Because we are making important decisions. We are interacting with clients and creating experiences and memories for them. We are catching or missing details that can endanger budgets, events, jobs, and lives.
Remember simply by naming an emotion we better process it and progress through it—repression only feeds dysfunction. Your people might not trust you enough to share honestly, so make sure they find someone they trust enough to share a snapshot before the important work begins. (Bonus: when the norm is to share the real-real as a team, trust can grow.)
A key safety item for this rule:
Someone needs to know HOW you are, not WHY you are that way.
If someone is completely frazzled because of a dysfunctional family situation, at work is not the place nor space to air all of that out. Airing it out almost will certainly make someone feel worse, so guardrails are key here. Clarify this boundary of the team norm on the front end: don’t ask the cause and don’t overshare.
It is important for us to share the headspace we are bringing to our important engagements (again: not the cause of that headspace). It is especially important to share with a supportive person when it is outside of our baseline mood. It is as simple as sharing with a teammate:
“I’m wildly anxious going into this call, but I can do it and I have my notes to rely on.”
This practice builds self-efficacy and peer support in 60 seconds, time after time.
This tool will take a little time to train, but as I’ve shared before, leaders often need to say something seven times before it is heard once. That is seven times PER hearer. Likely you need to repeat something seven times in a group and seven times 1:1 for it to truly begin ingraining within the culture.
When you ask (and share) genuinely +
hold the space for authentic answers +
create support when it is warranted =
outcomes improve.
Some support you might offer might look like:
hey, I know you are going into that client call totally drained, let me give you a quick script of the top 3 questions we need answered and you can just focus on that.
I hear your frustration following that meeting and now you have to go into the next one, let me come in and introduce you and get it set up well and then I can pass the time to you.
Do you feel well enough to maintain the safety standards for this? If not, we’ll get it covered and you can take the time to rest.
The more safety risks your work involves, the more important this rule is.
If it’s awkward the first three times, fine. Keep doing it anyways, because it’s important.
The answers will progressively become more authentic and you’ll start seeing emotion-driven problems solved before they happen.
It doesn’t have to be heavy, it shouldn’t be optional, and it won’t take much time or energy.
If you really want to implement this at work for your team but you aren’t sure how, I’d be honored to connect with you and support you (at no cost):
I'm Nathan-- a Trauma-Informed Leadership Coach and Facilitator. I’m passionate about empowering you to better care for Your Mind At Work—through reflection, tools, and insights from real coaching conversations. If you want to learn more, reach out or follow me on LinkedIn!