The wrong presents
an elusive gift-giving habit
‘Tis the season for lists, checking them twice, grandma’s chocolate cherries, 2-dayish shipping complaints, and all of Tony Bennett‘s favorite things.
Physical gifts may be making the rounds of the office through Secret Santa, HR mandated swag, or for the lucky ones, a Christmas Bonus, but one of the greatest gifts is probably glaringly absent at work and at home.
The best gift you can give this Holiday season is your intent and unadulterated presence. Not half listening while scrolling or shopping or baking, but focused presence with those you care about. Unfurling space for them to place answers to inquisitive questions under the evergreen boughs of the relational tree.
Luckily, this is not a one-sized equation, perfect for the marathoning-extrovert and an introvert’s personal hell. I recently saw someone share that he and his wife forego the family gatherings every-other-year for “introverted Thanksgiving,” where they check into a new resort and retreat for reflection and recharging. Guaranteed, this habit helps them be truly present when they are with family. They are charged up and ready, pouring from a full cup, so that when they are there, they have the energy to give and aren’t looking for any escape they can find on the nearest screen.
If your presence is best in short yet strong doses, here is your permission to give that presence (and take back the space you need). This is a process we learn and unlearn and relearn in each individual relationship, through the change of seasons and our personal growth.
What is something you can do to be authentically and deeply present with those you love between now and December 31st?
Choose one thing you are willing to commit to.
Tell two people about it.
Try it three times. Reflect and evaluate.
What do you expect your full presence to change?
PS:
If you struggle to get conversation moving, or have a hard time knowing what to ask, here are some ideas for questions you can ask when you are striving to be present:
What was the best part of this year?
What are you looking forward to in the new year?
What is a tradition that really speaks to you?
What trip are you most hoping to take next year?
Who do you hope to spend more time with next year?
What’s the most important decision you need to make this year?
What’s the most important need you feel burdened to meet this year?
What habit would you most like to establish this year?
Who is the person you most want to encourage this year?
What book did you most enjoy this year? What book do you most want to read this year?
What skill do you most want to learn or improve this year?
What piece of music are you really enjoying?
What’s the most important purchase (financial investment) you want to make this year?